When did this happen: there are poisonous snakes in Indiana!!???!

According to a lengthy story on the WTHR.com website, Channel 13 investigative reporter Bob Segal has uncovered the fact that there are timber rattlesnakes in Brown County.  The amazing discovery came after a dog was recently bitten by a rattlesnake and family members of  WTHR producer saw a rattler during a hike.

This somewhat sensational story (“somewhat” in the sense that P.T. Barnum  was somewhat ego-centric) appears to be an effort to snag ratings back from the investigative team at another local television who scored a major scoop during the May sweeps weeks by uncovering the fact that water is made of hydrogen and oxygen, two very dangerous elements.

The  story, which we assume was aired though we did not see the broadcast, is technically and factually correct.   However, it does follow the standard television “Investigator Team” formula of creating fear in the masses (and better ratings) by juxtaposing our hyper-earnest investigative reporter with a series of sound bites from folks who were unaware of some arcane hazard that the “Channel XYZ On-Your-Side Call-XYZ Undercover-Investigative Team has uncovered after months of exhaustive digging.”

Of course we forgot to add the standard teaser tag-line…”And you’ll be shocked at what they found! Film at 11…”

Our heroes then deftly attempt to assign culpability to a government entity or big corporation.  In this particular case, the “culprit” are the folks at the Indiana Department of Natural Resources.

You see, despite the pamphlets, signs and other means of reaching the public, Mr. Segal interviewed upwards of 10 people who didn’t know that Brown County State Park was home to timber rattlers.

He even managed to elicit a classic sound bite about toddlers being targeted by the treacherous vipers.

We did enjoy one of the comments posted by a reader at the end of the story.  It is reproduced here as the WTHR webmaster would likely hit the ‘delete’ button in the near future:

nando_6869
I am extremely dissapointed in WTHR. We have watched this channel for years and were very excited to be interviewed in Brown County about the snake issue. My wife and I both commented that we knew there were snakes and that we closely supervised our children. We hoped that message would be shown and that famillies would continue to… safely enjoy the outdoors. As an active outdoor family, we NEVER wanted our words to be used to scare people away from spending time outdoors with their children. We will continue to travel to Brown County and other parks with our family and friends….I wish WTHR would have shown some intelligent comments that were acutally made and given a more balanced story. I did not see the trailers, but I was told they were meant to stir up the emotion. Very sad-Can we not report this story without trying to cause panic?

The kill shot comes toward the end of the article:  “…and she (bereaved owner of the dog) believes the DNR should take additional steps to warn park visitors.”

Well of course they should.

Perhaps this is why the story gets our panties in such a bunch.  Blaming the DNR for things is OUR beat; it is not the purview of those who have never experienced the joy of leech bites.

Look, we don’t know Mr. Segal and he seems like a swell guy.  In fact, we would allow that some of his prior work has  brought light to wrongdoing and malfeasance.  This is the highest duty of the Fourth Estate.

However, everybody misses the mark sometimes.  Even worse are the times when the well of story ideas has run dry and we began grasping at straws.  It would seem that indigenous snakes of Indiana would be one such topic.  Of course, WE’VE never written a less-than-stellar column.

I suppose it’s just a symptom of that modern day malady: outdoors ignorance.  It wasn’t so long ago that visitors to the outdoors understood that Mother Nature is often a wonderful host but occasionally turns into the Nasty-Ex-Wife-From Hell.  There was a time when the measure of a outdoorsman (or woman) was his or her ability to survive the dangers of the outdoors while living a comfortable life.

So, as an assist to our buddies at the DNR Office of Communication, we’ll offer a new, updated version of the warning that should be posted on every outdoor recreation area.

WARNING: You are entering government-owned property.  There is a high likelyhood of encountering  snake bite, bee sting, wasp sting, poison ivy, poison sumac, stinging nettles, ticks, leeches, spiders, darkness, rain, cold temperatures, hot temperatures, falling rocks, high ledges, falling tree limbs, mold, spores, coyotes, feral dogs, bobcats, aggressive deer, attach by deranged hiker, bats, catfish, snapping turtles, beavers, hail, sleet, lightning, dehydration and high wind.

Users should also be aware of: failure of equipment despite reasonable care and use, careless or
reckless behavior on the part of other members of the group despite reasonable supervision, guide error or careless and reckless behavior on the part of third parties.

By entering this property, you are risking  injury or illness including, but not limited to bodily injury, disease, strains, fractures, partial and/or total paralysis, death or other ailments that could cause serious disability.

Enjoy your visit!

Story Link: Rattled from WTHR.com

Photo: U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service

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