After watching local television newscasts during the run-up to a measurable snowfall, I’ve always wondered when we’ll finally hear something like this:
Deep, frightening voiceover: “Tonight on NewsChannelCenterPlex StormTeamTrackerUnit; the white death is coming! For this breaking news, here is Andrea Focusgroup.”
TV anchorperson Andrea Focusgroup, trying to act solemn: “All indications that a major snowfall is headed our way. To update us on this breaking situation, let’s talk to Dewey Fogg, our chief meterologist. Dewey….”
Meterologist Dewey Fogg who is trying to appear serious but seems on the verge of wetting his pants in glee: “Andrea, we’re advising everyone to hoard food, slaughter your pets, take all your money out of the bank and set the old people outside to die because it seems unlikely we’ll escape the brunt of this storm.”
“According to SuperDopplerMegaStormScope5000 Radar, the current indications are for up to FOUR INCHES of snow, but realize that this storm track could end up dumping FEET of snow, perhaps even herald in a new ICE AGE!!!! ”
“I’m not sure if we’re all going to survive this onslaught but keep it tuned right here and we’ll interrupt your favorite evening programming every 30 seconds to update you on this breaking story. But first, here’s our Sports Director Studs McJock who will lead us in a short chorus of ‘Nearer my God to thee.’”
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It’s the White Death!!!
Posted by Brent on 1/07/10 • Categorized as WildBlog
Deep, frightening voiceover: “Tonight on NewsChannelCenterPlex StormTeamTrackerUnit; the white death is coming! For this breaking news, here is Andrea Focusgroup.”
TV anchorperson Andrea Focusgroup, trying to act solemn: “All indications that a major snowfall is headed our way. To update us on this breaking situation, let’s talk to Dewey Fogg, our chief meterologist. Dewey….”
Meterologist Dewey Fogg who is trying to appear serious but seems on the verge of wetting his pants in glee: “Andrea, we’re advising everyone to hoard food, slaughter your pets, take all your money out of the bank and set the old people outside to die because it seems unlikely we’ll escape the brunt of this storm.”
“According to SuperDopplerMegaStormScope5000 Radar, the current indications are for up to FOUR INCHES of snow, but realize that this storm track could end up dumping FEET of snow, perhaps even herald in a new ICE AGE!!!! ”
“I’m not sure if we’re all going to survive this onslaught but keep it tuned right here and we’ll interrupt your favorite evening programming every 30 seconds to update you on this breaking story. But first, here’s our Sports Director Studs McJock who will lead us in a short chorus of ‘Nearer my God to thee.’”
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