The first symptoms started a week ago. On that Sunday morning, I had innocently turned the television to a fishing program.  Fourteen straight hours later, fishing tackle was spilled from the bedroom to the living room and I was trying to land our English Setter in the kitchen on a six-weight flyrod.  Cabin fever had struck, hard.

This is a bad time for Hoosier Outdoorsmen: the cold has let up just enough that we have entered The Season of Mud. Your Faithful Servant can offer no special insights to the problem with no cure except for the turning of time.  Just remember that the Surgeon General has determined viewing too many outdoor television programs, especially those of the low-rent variety, can be hazardous to your intellectual health. For those who are just beginning to watch television fishing shows, perhaps with a spouse, we will offer a few translations of the occasionally cryptic language used by the Experts In These Matter.

“A dandy”- Any fish larger than soft drink can

“Hawg” – A largemouth bass larger than the host’s paunch

“The best bait for these conditions is XYZ”- I’m sponsored by XYZ Bait Company

“looky here!”- I’ve caught a fish

“whoooweee”- I am pleased at catching this fish

“An exclusive lodge”- someplace you can’t afford; a jacket and tie is required in the cleaning station.

“Today we’ll be fishing with Formica Tabletop, a former Miss Sunscreen”- Jiggle, giggle, jiggle

“Huff, huff, huff”- I’m a little out of shape for this type of wading

“Baetis vagans is a ubiquitous paradigm”- you’re watching the trout channel

“I prefer pimento loaf over chicken guts for the trotline”- you’re not watching the trout channel

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