I have frequently mentioned that one of the toughest parts of being a weekly outdoor columnist is not enduring the lavish parties, jet-set crowd and barrels of cash that come from publishing stories that revolve around stinkbait.  No, the toughest part of being a weekly columnist is deciding upon a topic.  However, this week, I’m in luck.

I discovered our topic lurking in the creekside weeds near my apartment.  While blithely shaking the ashes out the charcoal grill, I realized I was within millimeters of the nicest patch of poison ivy plants within four area codes.  The plants were growing from a pile of old lawn clippings and apparently liked the locale, as they were incredibly robust and healthy-looking.  The waxy appearance of the leaves fairly oozed menace to someone like me who can get a rash simply by looking at pictures of the plant.

Nearly every year I contract a horrific case of poison ivy dermatitis, usually during the bow-hunting season.  Not only do I find myself itching and scratching but the rash always appears in the most inopportune places.  Several years ago I coined the well-known phrase “TPR,” which stands for “Tender Personal Region,” as a publishable way to share with readers the incredible misery I was experiencing.

For once, I decided to research my options prior to the inevitable.

Before discussing any medical issues I must add the standard disclaimer that Yours Truly isn’t a doctor nor even plays one on television.  In fact, the usage of anything mentioned in this column is quite likely to result in chronic suffering, eyeball flukes, ruptured pipes, dengue fever, poor credit rating and slow, painful death.

The irritation caused by exposure to urushiol, the oily active ingredient in the plants that causes intense itching, burning and blistering of exposed skin within four to 12 hours of contact.  Research indicates that about 80 percent of the population is susceptible this substance.

Poison Ivy is potent.  According to various sources, about 1 nanogram (a billionth of a gram) will cause a rash in sensitive persons and it has been claimed that ¼ of an ounce of pure urushiol, suitable distributed, could cause a rash on every single sensitive person on earth.

Aside from being very powerful, the oil is also persistent.  Many people believe that cases of poison ivy spread with itching but research has shown that this is simply a matter of new exposure from traces of oil that remains under the fingernails.  Pets, clothing and even garden tools can harbor rash-causing oil for up to a year while dead poison ivy plants can remain toxic for up to five years.

Urushiol can also enter the bloodstream or lymph nodes and spread the irritation throughout the body.  Victims are advised to seek professional medical treatment if poison ivy covers more than 30 percent of the body, the itching lasts more than 14 days, the joints are swollen, the rash becomes infected or has spread to eyelids, mucous membranes or TPR’s.

There are several products that claim to shield the user from exposure to urushiol.  We have tried a couple and found them lacking in performance and ease of use.  Most are heavy, waxy lotions while one product actually makes a clay-like layer on the skin.  In all cases, these products have only been rated as moderately effective by users though your mileage may vary.

There are several other products that have entered the market in the last few years that claim to actually remove the urushiol and stop the itching.  Perhaps the best know of these is Zanfel, a non-prescription lotion available at many local and national retailers.

User reviews from various sources on the Internet shows that the product seems to work for the majority of people.  However, we haven’t personally tested the Zanfel so we will give it only a skeptical approval pending our own case of dermatitis.  According to company literature, Zanfel removes the urushiol and immediately stops the associated itching with one application.  We’ll see.

There are legions of home remedies for poison ivy.  Some are pure flights of fancy while some appear to work based upon our own experience.  Of course, there are an equal number of people in chat forums who vehemently claim each particular home and professional treatment discussed is dangerous and counterproductive.

The current hot treatment of the week is Milk of Magnesia® (MOM) applied externally.  According to several sources and one of those dubious syndicated “Ask the Doctor” columns, MOM does seem to sooth the itch and dry up the rash.  We can’t vow for it’s safety but since you can drink it in fairly large quantities for stomach upset, we assume it’s fine to slather on your epidermis.  As with any non-professional advice, your mileage may vary.

One home remedy that is relatively safe but seems fairly effective is simply bathing in the ocean, a chlorinated pool or hot tub.  Whether due to the washing action of the water, the drying effect of the chemicals within the water, exposure to sunlight or a combination of the factors, rashes often seem to go away faster after such treatment.

If nothing else, the distraction does make the intense itching seem more bearable.

Seaside margaritas applied internally as needed also seem to help.

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